Most of my pages are more about the art and less about the journaling. Usually the journaling comes to mind after the page is complete. This page was the opposite. I started this page with the words... Safe does not always equal happy... in my head. It's the first time I didn't really care about the colors or how the background would look. I'm taking Effy Wild's BOD Class. I watched her video today and something she said, had me thinking about the choices I've made in my life.
My early choices were based on my need to feel safe. I was brought up in a safe environment and I was protected and naive. I didn't believe that I could take care of myself. I didn't take chances and I always followed the rules. In a time, when many young people were trying drugs and pushing boundaries, I was the opposite. I wanted to be safe and I made life choices based on what I knew at the time.
Safe did not end making me happy. I thought it would. I truly did. In recent years, I've kicked myself for those choices. Today, again, I see that I could not make decisions with information I did not have at the time. Hindsight really is 20/20. I know what I know today because I've lived a lot of years and I've done a hell of a lot of work on me. I worked my butt off to learn who I am and what I like. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.
Blame is not helpful. I made the best decision I knew to make at age 21. I will not blame myself any longer for those decisions. Life happens, people grow and change. Sometimes people grow together and sometimes they don't.
The background is gelli printed on deli paper. I love the swirls. They were made with a kitchen scrubby on the gelli plate. Thank You, Lori West. That scrubby was a wonderful gift.
